Insights

Is it time to put down the armour?
 
Walking into executive meetings, eight sets of eyes owned by the executive leadership team were focussed on the Executive Director (ED). 
 
When I asked the ED how it felt when this happened, “uneasy” was the reply. The ED spoke of using humour to try and “lighten” the mood, as an attempt to connect with the executive team.
 
I am a fan of humour. It can help gain perspective, bring in a “lightness” and deepen connections. However, an executive team wants to focus on business solutions. They want progress. If you walk in feeling insecure, which is what the ED was feeling, the unease of your insecurity is what will be felt most. Your humour will not have a settling effect. It will make everyone feel awkward. The ED was experiencing their own self-doubt and it pushed others away.
 
As a leader, you must feel at ease with yourself if you want to connect with others. You must also meet people where they are at. To do this you have to be fully present, with a clear and open mind. At ease with what is.
 
Trying to “lighten” the mood because you are feeling your own discomfort is going to backfire because it is a defense mechanism activated out of fear. The ED described it as “dusty armour”.
 
The ED used humour to good effect with their own team and it worked because it was generated from ease and warmth.  When used with the executive team, it was generated from fear of rejection. 
 
The ED also said they had cloudy thinking and trouble concisely expressing thoughts after their humour fell flat. We discussed what it would be like to walk into the room feeling at ease, not “needing” to change anything. Being open and curious. No armour. 
 
The ED said they would feel calm, be able to think clearly and would respond, rather than react, all of which would create a better platform for building relationships and collaborative solutions.
 
The ED shared these insights as a result of our conversation:
💡 You are emotionally contagious. What you “feel” before going into a meeting (or any conversation) sets the “mood” and impacts how things “land” with others.

💡 Armour disconnects. It disconnects us from ourselves and from others. It makes discussions about protection of self, rather than the issue on the table.
 
When you wear “dusty armour”, you are needy and act defensively. You become discontent because your ideas were credited to someone else, when it doesn’t actually matter as long as the outcome is achieved. Your ego wants the credit. You actually don’t hear as well because you are looking for reasons for “your” ideas to be accepted, so you inadvertently close off to different views. You don’t speak as clearly and concisely because you are focussed (worried) about what others think, rather than being focussed on solutions.
 
The armour was heavy. The ED vowed to leave the armour at the door before the next executive meeting.
 
What would happen if you put the dusty armour down?